Opinion: A pursuit to define grace

I am not OK.

Everything is heavier, more burdensome and difficult.

While I find joy and reward in the triumphs of the numerous professional and personal challenges met through this season of life, the disappointment and guilt of not doing enough, fast enough or good enough plagues me. This is a familiar foe, but the circumstances of 2020 have amplified this emotion in me.

After six months of what seems like unrelenting business disruptions, social life interruptions, public health debates, political strife and civil unrest, I feel comfortable of unabashedly stating, “I am not OK.” Not because I’m brave, but because I know I am simply saying what most of us have been thinking. We are not OK.

The antidote that I have felt, and I hope you have too, is the grace extended by my fellow humans. As this became a strong theme through these trying months, I paused because I was having difficulties describing “grace” beyond how it made me feel to receive it.

First, I turned to the dictionary, which did nothing but confuse the situation because the noun has 13 definitions and the verb has two, and they range from how one moves to the theological. I was familiar with every definition but none helped truly capture the essence of the graciousness I was receiving.

What started as an idle curiosity to pinpoint what I was experiencing evolved into a pursuit. (Full disclosure, here’s where I attempt to be brave.) I want people to feel my grace toward them, but I know I fall short. While I feel thankful, grateful and forgiving toward my fellow humans, expressing it is not my strong suit.

In order to attempt to overcome this weakness I indulged my greatest weakness — overanalyzing — and I began dissecting the words, habits and deeds of those individuals who gave me the gift of the visceral warm rush of their grace. Although I am no closer to defining how grace works exactly, I did discover those who I find full of grace have four traits in common: vulnerability, authenticity, empathy and connectedness.

Each appears to be strengthened by their vulnerabilities. Rather than hide from their imperfections, they recognize and acknowledge their shortcomings and strive to forgive themselves first and foremost while turning to others for help.

They all exhibit an authenticity, a transparency of oneself, which is enviable. They are unapologetically themselves without a whiff of public facade.

Empathy seems instinctual when displaying a compassionate ability to sense what another is experiencing, but most importantly expressing it with kindness and eloquence.

And, finally, they are never transactional. They exude a connectedness that the people in their life are important and are worthy of time, care and consideration.

While these traits in no way helped me understand grace, it did help me understand the gracious.

For those who have not felt my grace, I’m working on it.

To the gracious many in my life who have helped make the tribulations of 2020 bearable, enjoyable and sometimes even joyful, I extend a heartfelt thank you and distanced embrace. While my heart still aches with discord and my brain is weary of problem solving, you continue to be a steadying port in my storm. I only hope that I have expressed it well enough in person that as you read this, you recognize yourself.

Mar’Ellen Felin is CEO of Springfield Business Journal video media outlet sbjLive. She can be reached at mfelin@sbj.net.