Satire: 42M dead in bloodiest Black Friday weekend on record

The Onion reports 42 million Americans were killed this past weekend in what is now believed to be the bloodiest Black Friday shopping event in history.

According to the report, as early as midnight on Friday, shoppers were trampled, pummeled, burned, stabbed, shot, lanced and brutally beaten to death while attempting to participate in early holiday sales events.

Wal-Mart, Sears and JCPenney locations nationwide were especially affected.

Read more from The Onion.